I am so excited that I have created a space, both in my home and on the web, where I can actively pursue long held dreams of becoming a published best-selling author. I remember days of recording what now seem like such insignificant happenings in my "journal". Writing provided me with the means to constructively release my bottled up emotions and was very therapeutic. It wasn't until I was in high school that my imagination really kicked into overdrive and I began crafting spell binding tales of intrigue and suspense. Unfortunately, most of my stories were locked inside my head and never managed to get transferred to paper. There was the occasional short-story that I had to write for English class, which seemed to impress my English teacher very much, but I was not in a place at that time where I had very much self esteem or faith in my own talents and abilities. It was much safer to keep the stories floating around in my imagination critique and ridicule free. Teenagers can be so unforgiving and insensitive.
Throughout the years, I continued to journal my random thoughts and kept thinking to myself, "You should really write a book." Self-doubt and the fear of failure and rejection kept rearing their ugly heads however, and although I would start a manuscript, I could never seem to get past the first couple of chapters. I would talk myself out of the entire process by convincing myself that I was not lucky enough or talented enough to get anything published. This cycle of starting enthusiastically then quickly giving up became a routine for me.
I did manage to author several blogs over the years, however, these were also short lived as I circumstances forced me to work multiple jobs in order to sufficiently support myself and my son. Let me be the first to tell you that law enforcement officers are so very underpaid, especially in comparison to the level of danger that we experience each and every day. The hours are long and the job is a thankless one that breeds indifference and threatens to eat away at the officer's spirit and humanity. Burn out is high in this profession and it's not hard to see why. I have been burnt out for years and the job no longer satisfies me the way it once did. So I think the universe sort of steered me towards the road I am on today, seeking a different career path, something rewarding and fulfilling. I need that in my life.
Fortunately, through all these years, my mother always had faith in me and my writing talents and never stopped encouraging me to pursue a career a writing career. Thanks so much mom! I love you for that and for always seeing the possibilities and talents in me that I sometimes didn't recognize in myself.
It has taken a lot of soul searching and quite a few years (a couple of decades actually) to get to the point where I finally feel ready to become, and to live as, a writer. I have finally managed to put aside all of the insecurities of the past and devote myself to the pursuit of this revived dream. So, I have pulled out all those unfinished chapters and am seriously committed to turning those forgotten pages into tomorrow's best-sellers because I am a writer!